Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
