When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
