I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
