She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
