I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
