If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Found the puke drawer
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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