I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
