When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
