You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
