when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
