lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
