chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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