I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
