at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
