If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
