i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
