You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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