Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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