Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
