you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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