If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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