you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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