moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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