How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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