he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
