tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
