dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My cat gives me a boner
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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