I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
