Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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