i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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