oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
