I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
