Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
