So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
