guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
