It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
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When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
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Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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