Absence makes the cock grow harder.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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