FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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