You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
