You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
