Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me

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(604): View more from British Columbia

she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.

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(850): View more from Florida

Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.

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(575): View more from New Mexico

I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.

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(315): View more from New York

Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.

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(619): View more from California

Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo

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(315): View more from New York

Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic

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