today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
