My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
