you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
