I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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