new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i think i just lost a toe
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
