we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
