He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
