Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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