He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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