Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
