You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
