I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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