Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
