hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
