Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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