I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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