How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
