6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
