he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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