We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
