Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
