You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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