There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
