I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Mom said you looked used
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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