And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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