If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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