I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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