I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My vagina just recognized that song.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
