hotel room ftw
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
