There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
