Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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