If that was your dad, he is hot
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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