I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
