Is it normal to miss your booty call?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
