M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
